Excerpts from Life

I had an experience today that was unlike anything I’ve had before.  I’m not feeling very poetic (which this description deserves), but I’m going to tell it anyway because it was nothing short of amazing.

I’m having an ongoing life crisis, due to a number of factors, and during this morning’s near-breakdown Dana was working to calm the storm with acupuncture and energy therapy (such as Reiki).  As I was laying on the table I felt the need to open my hands skyward heavenward in openness to God.  I have had this feeling before, usually during praise and worship at church, during prayer, or even lying in bed at night – so this was nothing new.

What happened next was amazing.  Now I have to take a few steps back and explain that I, more often than not, think in pictures and actions, but do think in words, too.  And when I talk to God (and occasionally hear from Him – I think), it’s in words, pictures, and actions.  This instance was not the case.  It was, as I’ve dubbed it…”a mind meld with God”.

Now you have to know that I didn’t initiate this “time of communication” – it was all God.  And I didn’t know it was coming until it was happening – I have felt promptings to open my hands heavenward in the past with no active communication.  It was all God’s doing.

There was no dialog (no words, pictures, or actions – remember?), just an existence.  But a communication within the existence.  It wasn’t a general, tv-like, mind meld where you see everything in the other person’s mind.  It was very specific – one concept to one concept.  I’ve described it as 10 seconds of mutual understanding.  In it, I could sense that God actively, in that moment understood my current crisis pain.  And I could actively understand, from God’s mind, that I would be going through more hardship before this crisis was over.  No explanation of how long the pain would continue, how bad it would get, or anything like that.  While very specific on topic, very lacking in details.  But it was the most wonderful thing – I dare call it instantly addictive.  I immediately wanted to encounter God this way again – and often – and for longer periods of time.  I would meditate an hour a day or more if it meant existing/communicating with God like this.

When it was over I immediately began to cry.  1) Because of the event itself.  While it did not in any way feel overwhelming, I’m sure having a mind meld with God is pretty taxing on a human.  For this I wonder if it, as the first encounter, was so short and so directed.  And 2) Because of the understanding that this pain would continue for the time being.

I think this story is best heard from my lips with all the emotion, so please ask me about it if you like.  Text just doesn’t do it justice.

Also, when I have felt God communicating with me with words, pictures, or actions in the past – there’s always been some level of doubt.  With today’s encounter there is no doubt.  Along with the tears at the end, I had a peace and understanding that this was 100% for real.

Again, I’m sorry for the shabbiness of my telling of this story.  It really doesn’t do it justice.  So please, ask me about it sometime.

How do you fight the darkness
when you’re merely an island?
You’d welcome, and even long to be part of a continent,
but it just doesn’t seem to be on the horizon.

How do you bend the trees
when there is no wind,
and you have no strength?
How do you ask for more
when you can’t even ask in the first place?

How do you find the answer
when the answers you find are wrong?
How do you eat steamed broccoli
when the only restaurant open is McDonald’s?

How do you wrap yourself in a blanket
when all you have is a tissue?

How do you ascend
when lofty words are fruitless?

How?

Hope for a cure.
Hope for relief.
Hope for a good day.
Hope for some energy.
Hope to keep my food down.
Hope to not have to run to the bathroom . . . one . . . more . . . time.
Hope that the new drugs don’t kill me.
Hope that the old drugs don’t kill me.
Hope that I don’t die on my own.

Hope that I get my mind back.
Hope that I’m not so afraid.
Hope that I’m not so alone.
Hope that I don’t go completely crazy.

Hope that God would touch me . . . somehow . . . some way.

Hope for the opportunity to participate in a stem cell clinical trial – something that could finally, really help.
Hope lost for the stem cell clinical trial.

It is known by some that I will, from time to time, arrange the sugar packets at my table at a restaurant.  You can be relieved that most of the time I do not have the urge to do so, and if I do get the urge, it can be resisted.  That being said, there is great logic behind my arranging.

Color Coding
The sugar packets should be grouped by color.  Pink (Sweet and Low), Yellow (Splenda), and Blue (Equal) are easy.  However, one must use judgment for White (Sugar) and Brown (Raw Sugar).  I tend to put those in the back (white, then brown) as I prefer Sweet and Low, and that keeps it out in front.
I could certainly arrange alphabetically by name, but do I go by “Sweet and Low” or “saccharin”?  Anyway, a packet’s color is more readily identifiable from across the table than its actual name, so color is the chosen method.

Front-Facing
The fronts of the packets should all face the same direction – toward the table at large just as a book would be displayed with its front cover facing toward its audience.  This is in the event that all condiments are grouped at one end of the table (for instance – the end of the table against the wall).  If the condiments are grouped in the center of the table, it makes no difference which direction the fronts of the packets are facing as long as they are all facing the same direction.  However, the long end of the sugar packet container should be parallel with the long end of the table.

Tops to the Left
Since sugar packets tend to be printed in landscape (short and wide), yet displayed in portrait (tall and thin), the tops of the sugar packets should be oriented to the left.  In the west, books are either bound on the left or the top.  To keep the bindings together, one would orient the tops of the top-bound books to the left.  Also, nearly every time one prints a landscape page out on a portrait-oriented printer the top of that page will be on the left.

So yes, there is a method (and logic) to my madness.

Have you examined your Christianity today?  How do you know you’re right?  What makes you a “child of God” and not just a “grandchild of God”?

To explain:
I’m sure if I tried to convert you to Islam or Hinduism, you would readily resist, and I would very likely be unsuccessful at doing so.  But is it because “you’re a Christian and that how it is – you’re not changing”, or that you truly believe that Christianity is the way.

Meaning:
If you were a Muslim, and I tried to convert you to Christianity, would you resist for the exact same reasons as the first scenario?

What I’m Getting at:
Are you a Christian because that’s the way you were brought up, and you’ve just learned to strengthened your stance?  Or have your actively looked at what you believe, compared it to the others, and come to the conclusion that this truly is the “The Way”?

Challenge:
I’m not saying to court other religions.  I’m just saying to make this your own – know why you believe what you do.  Not just because it was your father/mother’s religion, or that it’s the “American” religion.

Okay, as promised on Twitter, here’s my rant from BWI.

AirTran Sucks

I originally made my choice to fly AirTran between my two front runners for the trip, Southwest and AirTran.  They both had non-stop service between IND and BWI, and both had the lowest price of all the airlines.  I hadn’t previously flown on either of them, so whichever I chose was going to be a new experience.  I ultimately chose AirTran because 1) I could get Frontier points for flying with AirTran, 2) I got to choose my seat, 3) they had the earliest out-bound flight for Friday, and 4) they offered WiFi (albeit, for a charge).

Unfortunately, I would have had to pay to choose my seat prior to check-in, the legroom was NOTICEABLY less than that of other carriers (I could not fit my bag between the seats to fit under the seat in front of me as I ALWAYS do on other flights), and the WiFi did not work.  The consolation was that the staff WAS friendly.

GoGo Inflight Sucks

GoGo Inflight is the WiFi operator on the AirTran flights.  I spent half the flight trying to get them to accept my credit card with no success.  I later tried on the ground in DC with still no success.  It was only after I submitted a complaint and received a free promo code for my trouble that I was able to use the WiFi on my return flight.

BWI Sucks

Okay, so it doesn’t completely suck.  Everything went very smoothly.  But the facilities need a face lift.  In-bound, when using the men’s restroom, 3 of the 4 soap dispensers were broken.  This set the tone for the rest of their facilities.  Come on guys, keep up on things!

Parting Remarks

I do have to say, the “connection” from BWI from WAS was wonderful.  Free shuttle from BWI to the BWI MARC station.  $6 fare (and only 40 minute trip) on MARC into Union Station DC.  $1.75 Metro ride from Union Station to McPherson Square.  Oh why can’t Indy have such wonderful mass transit?

Let me get this straight…

We’re trying to pass a health care plan:
1) written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn’t understand it;
2) passed by a Congress that hasn’t read it, but exempts themselves from it;
3) to be signed by a president that also hasn’t read it and who smokes;
4) with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn’t pay his taxes;
5) all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese;
6) and financed by a country that’s broke.

Wonder what could possibly go wrong?

I’ve been told, “Love is not the feeling…not the warm and fuzzies.  It’s the substantial stuff.”  And because of this, I’ve been very guarded and cautious about instances that I “think” I love a person – be it friends, family, etc.  If there were “warm and fuzzies” then I was very doubtful that it was actually love.  However, it dawned on me the other night while driving (somewhere around Rochester, Indiana), that “warm and fuzzies” are okay — as long as when you peel back the “cabbage leaves” of “warm” and “fuzzy” that you find the “substantial stuff”.

As I begin my chronological journey through the New Testament I am quickly greeted by the foretelling and births of John the Baptist and Jesus (found in the first two chapters of Luke). Two things stick out for me:

1. Both were named not at birth, but on the eighth day when each was circumcised.  Of course, both names were foretold by an angel prior to conception (and neighbors and family members even assumed John would be called Zechariah after his father), but neither name was officially assigned by the parents until the eighth day.  What significance does this have?  Especially in a time when the meaning of a name was of a great deal more importance than it is today.  What if we took this opportunity today?  What if we gave ourselves a week and a day to get to know our newborn – to find a fitting and truly meaningful name?
2. It was also the tradition of the Jews to set aside the firstborn son as holy to the Lord.  We see this in the case of Jesus, and I would assume is the same for John (unless being a Levite altered this – but I’m not readily finding anything supporting such an alteration).  What does it mean to be set aside “holy to the Lord”?  This must differ in some way from the Levites being set aside for service to the Lord.  So what does this look like?  And how does it play out today?  As the firstborn male in my family, how is my roll (in relation to God) different from that of my siblings?

Two interesting topics that stuck out for me.  Any insight?